Heya friendos! We’ve got a crazy headline today, don’t we? I’ve been thinking a lot about neurodivergence and how a capitalist society warped our idea of closure. There’s also a little update on my historical Korean narrative game and what I’ll be busy with the coming months. Let’s not keep you waiting any longer!

How Am I Doing?

I’m buzzing with excitement! That has a couple of reasons. One is that I’ve done some small home improvements that I had left for about a year to literally pile up in a corner. Nothing big, mind you, but finally having the time, energy, and presence of mind to get to that kind of stuff is a huge weight off my shoulders.

I recently heard someone describe their experience as someone with bipolar disorder. I relate to some of the things they’ve described. I hadn’t thought of these jolts of energy, productivity, and joy as manic episodes before, but they always seem to come right after a depressive episode.

My whole life, I’ve been skirting around the neurodivergent spectrum. My elementary school teacher thought I was autistic and indeed I do share a non-negligible amount of traits commonly associated with autism. Then in high school, everyone told me I had ADHD, and those symptoms describe a lot of things I experience as well. But now bipolar disorder? I don’t want to make any assumptions lightly. Maybe it’s finally time to seek some sort of diagnosis, so I can put those questions to rest.

What Am I Doing?

Then the other reason I’m excited: I’ve defined the scope and content of Rumorweaver’s vertical slice. I’ve made a rough planning based on that. If everything goes well, I should have a first build by December. I’m generally quite good at eyeballing workload, so it seems pretty realistic.

I think you can finish a single playthrough of the vertical slice in about 10 minutes, but there are multiple ways to go about it. What I’m trying to achieve is to make this demo thing fun enough so people actually try to do another playthrough.

I’m extremely chuffed to get stuck into that. I’ve still got a video and a vlog to finish, but after that, most of this newsletter will probably be historical Korean and developer log themed!

Why Am I Doing? (this)

I’ve got a bit of a hot take this week. Since I’ve had that call with a business consultant, he implored me to think about what the goal is of the game I’m making. He meant financial goals, of course. Do you want to get funding to develop the game in the first place? Do you want just to recoup development costs or make enough money to fund a new project? If so, how big is that project?

A lot of game studios don’t have more than 2 years of runway. That basically means they constantly have to think about these short-term decisions. It also means that foreclosure is always around the corner. This had been thinking a lot about how to keep doing the thing I’m doing for as long as possible. But why? Why do I need to stretch my current lifestyle to this extent?

Well, a simple answer would be, because it makes me happy. Another answer would be, that previous lifestyles and careers made me stressed. Those are both valid, of course, but there’s something else bubbling underneath the surface.

I think we’ve been conditioned to glorify perpetuity to an unhealthy extent. A marriage that lasts 6 years before the couple goes their separate ways is called a “failed” marriage. Likewise, a business that’s been run with passion for a small amount of time, but ultimately had to close its doors is called a “failed” business. Failed careers, failed projects, failed social movements, failed friendships… the list goes on.

But why do we label that failure? You don’t call the fax machine a failed invention because it’s been superseded by new technology. The capitalist idea of endless growth has seeped its way into our culture and way of thinking. Something is only successful if it can withstand the test of time. If it can generate its purpose infinitely. It has taken years of highlighting the importance of mental health to even be a subject of reconsideration. In the real world, things end. There is no perpetuity for most people.

If something has run its course and has been thoroughly enjoyed, it should be labeled as a success. If you can look back at those times with love, you nailed it! Stopping something because it no longer makes financial sense is a perfectly valid reason. Encountering difficulties is not failure. But even if there were bumps along the way and the end was a hard process, if the experience left you with more knowledge and beautiful memories, I think there’s not a single failed thing about it.

That’s the energy I’m taking into New to Narrative from now on. Even if I have to go back to being a dishwasher as soon as tomorrow, this has been an astounding success. I’ve had an amazing year filled with creativity and self-discovery. And I’ve got at least another year left of that to look forward to! That’s bloody exciting, isn’t it?

So, if you take away anything from this week’s newsletter: don’t mourn the end without celebrating the process.