Hello friendos! Do you know that feeling of giddy nervousness that comes with inspiration? As though you’re bursting at the seams with creativity, but can’t manage to point in the direction you want? Well, I’m practically vibrating with the stuff right now, so let’s talk about it! Also, there are cat pictures, so stick around!

How Am I Doing?

I’m pretty solid! I’ve been cat sitting in my brothers apartment. The change of environment forces me to recontextualize. I don’t have access to all my usual tools and workspace, so it upends my routine. I think that the timing is fortunate, since in last newsletter I talked about feeling rudderless creatively. It seems like a good moment to pause my “normal” work: videos, Clysmoids and blog posts and take a breather instead.

But like I said, I haven’t been able to focus my creative energy. If you don’t understand what that would look like, this is all the stuff I started this week:

• A setting-agnostic TTRPG system without math.
• An administrative horror short story.
• Social media threads about game design.
• Recategorizing schools of magic for D&D.
• RPG system-agnostic module for cyberpunk-esque biomods.
• Some Clysmoids narrative stuff.
• Revisiting and redesigning old game concepts I had.

And I finished none of them. They’re all half baked attempts at directing my energy, that fizzle out after an hour or so. I used to feel guilty about doing this. “Why am I putting energy in these “useless” things, that don’t go anywhere concrete?”, I would ask myself. This time when I started to slip into that guilt, I caught myself. I set out to answer that question first, and then feel whatever I would feel after.

So I take a little walk, I go to a cafe, take out my notepad, let my thoughts flow freely. I scribble gameplay ideas, doodle little monsters, write a few lines of lyrics. I got a coffee. Another one after. Now I’m getting a bit overcaffeinated and start nervously fidgeting: bouncing my leg, grinding my teeth, stroking my chin. These are forms of self-soothing, unconscious ways you physically try to calm yourself.

I had a bit of an eureka moment when I realized this. Unfocused creative energy, starting new projects and doodling is creative self-soothing. Fidgeting for artistic nervousness. Inspiration is the overcaffeination of the creative process. Does it matter that it doesn’t go anywhere concrete? Does stroking your chin have to be productive? I don’t think so.

I find myself feeling creatively antsy like this when I’ve worked on a bigger project for a period I usually get hit by a dip in motivation after the three week mark. I get lethargic for a couple of days and then suddenly have an influx of inspiration, energizing me to get back to making stuff. Before, I’d either try to funnel that inspiration back into the big project and fail, or completely abandon the project and start on a bunch of new things. Now, I think I can face it for what it is, and allow me to soothe myself.

Would you want to stop feeling inspired? No, of course not. Would you want to stop self-soothing? It’s unconscious, so you can’t really help it. Ask yourself if you would rather feel guilty about being unproductive, or to just be creatively antsy for a while.

What Am I Doing?

So apart from all the creative fidgeting I described above, I also had a very… strenuous meeting with France Travail, the French unemployment agency. It was fruitful though! I’m pretty much mandated to follow some French language courses, so I finally have some external pressure to get to it. They also pointed me to the right direction for how to create a company here, so I might finally officialize New to Narrative this month. Obviously there’s quite some research and paperwork involved with that, so that will keep me busy for a while.

‘Moidpendium

Last week’s newsletter was a bit too serious to drop another Clysmoid, but I didn’t forget about this, I swear! This week’s entry, Legs, was one of the very first Clysmoid designs I made and has been my personal favorite to this day. The general idea remains intact, but when coloring I decided to go more for a skewer vibe than a walking cartoonish piece of meat. Would you eat Legs? I would eat Legs.

Genus	Legs
Family	Fleshy
Physical Trait	Legs has an unusual defense mechanism that relies on reverse psychology. By looking like a juicy piece of meat easy for the taking, predators get tricked into thinking it might be a trap.
Behavioral Trait	Typically, a Legs’ behavior is hard to define. They do not seem to fit simple feed and sleep directives, hinting at perhaps a plan more complex than any other Clysmoid.
Social Trait	It is rare to see multiple Legs interact with each other, but they do not seem like solitary creatures necessarily. It is not uncommon to see a Legs join a flock of Clysmoids of other families.

Why Am I Doing? (this)

This section of the newsletter is kind of interesting, because it forces me to reflect on my reasoning every single week. It’s an interesting exercise, but can sometimes end in a bit of headscratcher for me. I think, relating to the subject of today, I keep the newsletter for structure more than anything. Even if I have all this unfocused energy, and no strict deadlines to guide me, I have a self-imposed responsibility to send out this newsletter every Tuesday morning.

It reinforces the idea that I’m not sitting around doing nothing. Also, I think this week will also serve as a good reminder to allow myself to be creatively antsy in the future. Maybe it can be for you as well!